Week #27: Prawn – “Run”

I was gonna do another installment of SWAPRFIFE this week, but then I ended up with a few current albums in my collection I’m oblivious about. So, maybe a back-and-forth for a while. 

Anyway, the new blind date is Run by Prawn. What’s it sound like? Not a clue. I didn’t read a press release, baby.

Date Breakdown when I post it.


Date Breakdown: East Of Eli – “Child’s Play”

Welcome to the first Date Breakdown of the Single With A Press Release Fuck It Fuck Everything series: “Child’s Play” by East of Eli.

Now I know, I know I said it would only take me a week to review this one song, but there’s one thing I didn’t count on. And that one thing that I didn’t count on was. This song. Goddamn.

It’s. It’s…

Bad isn’t the word I would necessarily use. But out of necessity for a word, let’s go with: 


Okay. Bad. But there are so many factors here, and overall it’s just depressing. Maybe that’s a better word.


Here’s the issue: What even is it?

I’ve been trying to answer that question for a while now and I’m still stumped. Dumb fiddled. This song has no identity.  

It starts with an awkward sample? Or maybe throwback to the ‘70s? Before it shifts into soulless pop that I fucking swear they think is swimming in sex. And soul.

Then it quickly turns to the designed for radio/ so unbelievably out of touch and out of place chorus that again is so devoid of humanity it must be a joke.

Then another “verse”. Then a seductive (haha) spoken word section that is brimming with gender stereotypes. (The whole song is laughably misogynistic). Wait. Could this be Chyler Leigh? Could this be THE Chyler Leigh promised in the press release? The press release that I absolutely asked for?

Then rap. Because that’s what the song was missing. Nailed it in 1. 

A little column A. Then a little column B. Fade out.

“Do you want me?”

Do I want you?

Hm. Let me think about that.

In a word…



Going on a blind date with a press release for East of Eli – “Child’s Play”:

Stay. Home. It’s not safe out there in the dating world.

Week #26 / Single With A Press Release Fuck It Fuck Everything Cycle#1: East Of Eli – “Child’s Play”

Hey everyone. I’ve gotten a few request emails that I’ve neglected out of laziness and each one happens to just be a single. With a press release. Column A and Column B of exactly the fuck what I don’t want to review. But. A request is a request. So here’s a new sub-segment of Blind Date My Ears called the Single With A Press Release Fuck It Fuck Everything Cycle. For the first installment I will be reviewing “Child’s Play” by East of Eli. The press release informs me that he is a cinematic folk artist and the song features his famous wife. However, his sound cloud seems to indicate it’s a different song featuring his famous wife. So…let’s see which it is (I’m not listening to the other one, so we may never know.) It’s just one song, so Date Breakdown in like a week. Unless I have a different kind of breakdown.

Hating life. Hating everything. 


DATE BREAKDOWN: Every Time I Die – “Low Teens”

File Under: Hardcore, Punk, Glam, Stadium Rock

Look, I’d heard the name Every Time I Die before. I knew they fell somewhere in the punk/hardcore sphere. Not gonna lie. I’ve been to stores. I’ve visited Epitaph Records’ site before. I frequent PunkNews practically by the hour. But. I’d never heard ’em. Never, not even once. Get off my back. Sheesh.

I anticipated some pretty shitty Hawthorne Heights meets Slayer bullshit, but honestly that’s only about 10% of ETID, at least on Low Teens, their newest album. If there’s one (but really two) word(s) to encapsulate this album, it’s mood swings. You get everything. You get. Everything. But is it for everyone? Fuck no. The predominating sound by far is hardcore. The screaming is immediately going to turn off a lot of people. It took me years to stand listening to scream bands (not to be confused with screamo bands), but when you hear something done well you gotta recognize. And I’ve heard it done better, but this ain’t half bad. 

In fact, it’s only the more classic rock, grandiose stadium moments of the album that make me cringe. Starting most notably with “Two Summers,” lyric “I ain’t your crystal ball,” my ears took note of Low Teens ability to lure in a more mainstream audience. It’s a bland, out of place passionless shit song blanketed between two real bangers. It’s the first of the album’s overstayed change-ups, whereas before the spastic tempo and style changes felt like brief 10-second day dreams, well placed glimpses of a subconscious in the bigger picture. But if there’s one song that vomits arena rock everywhere, that award goes to “It Remembers,” a track whose verses felt promising at first until that goddamn “Burn Slow” chorus. Goddamn that chorus. It’s like Finch and Chevelle were back and leaving fliers on your windshield daily to remind you that they’re never truly going away. 

I don’t want to get bogged down in the nauseating negatives though, because I really do enjoy Low Teens, and I’ll gladly endure the bullshit to get graced with the jams. I mean, have you heard that change-up about a minute into “Glitches“?! That’s some good shit. It might not break away from that change, but its introduction is so well executed I can’t help but smile. Fast-forward to “Awful Lot,” which goes on an unrelenting tear almost immediately, and while the song barely changes things up until the end, the rebel yell of “BARBARIANS” more than makes up for its shortcomings. Thankfully, the hardcore pummels through even harder into “I Didn’t Want To Join Your Stupid Cult Anyway.” A particularly strong song for ETID, the band sounds refreshed and more impressively in sync than any of the preceding tracks, before slowing things down for the aforementioned shitstorm that is “It Remembers.” 

Thankfully “Petal” wipes away the glitter and gets back to the gold. The formula stays pretty true to form for the rest of the album, with brief moments of mainstream glam (actually done enjoyably on the incredible “Religion of Speed” and “Map Change“) followed by a few glorious crashes of chaos (with the occasional bore like “Just As Real But Not As Brightly Lit“), but it bears repeating how absolute killer “Map Change” is, especially as the album’s closer. It’s truly one of those closing tracks that is so good it propels the urge to start the album over again immediately. If that’s not the mission of every album closer it should be.


Highlights Include: see above


Going on a blind date with Low Teens


Week #25: Every Time I Die – “Low Teens”

Hello and welcome to my ears’ 25th blind date. To celebrate the milestone I’ve took a chance and picked up a physical disc with some reward points I had hanging around. The album in question? Every Time I Die – Low Teens. This came out in 2016, but fuck it. That’s still recent. Let’s do this.

What does it sound like? Not the foggiest. Wanna listen along? Full album streams are available as indicated HERE.

See ya when I see ya. Date Breakdown forthcoming. 

DATE BREAKDOWN: The Captain’s Son – “So, Who’s The Son?”

Alright. Well this has been a journey. Suffice it to say, I really blew it this time. What’s it been? Two months? Between not really knowing what I was reviewing, to figuring out I’d have to be tethered to wifi to listen to it, to starting a new job it has been a goddamn journey. But here we are. Review time. Goddamn review time. 

File it under about goddamn time. Goddamn.

But no, for real. File Under: Hippy Rock, Jam Band

The Captain’s Son are a SoCal groovy rock outfit, baby. They mix a bit of bubblegum into their bring-back-Woodstock-right-fucking-meow sonic aesthetic and I’m gonna say it helps. Also a touch of folk. On the surface this is nothing I want to listen to, which is maybe partially why it’s taken forever for us to get to this point, but once I resign myself to hitting play it’s not half bad. What is it about certain artists that cause you to write them off even after you’ve had several positive experiences listening to them? Or is that just me? Not even sure how to perfectly capture this in words. So let’s move on, because words are all I do here.

So, Who’s The Son? is a pretty tight ship for a first EP. It’s well recorded, it’s clearly well rehearsed, and I’d estimate it’s well written although I’ll leave that to the experts. Thematically it seems to be all about peace. Peace with the universe, peace with the earth, peace with the wind, really far out shit man. Love takes center stage and really just evokes a ’60s hippy vibe. You know, vibrantly painted van, drum circle on a lawn, grass-stained clothes and headbands. Not quite acid trip hippy though. Pot hippies for sure. They’re at peace with the pot. They don’t need the acid.

So what about the first single “Walking Around Purposely“? When I first announced I was going to just review that one song I had a big question about the title. Because it made no goddamn sense. Well, it still doesn’t. But I looked it up and it’s a heavily debated issue of Purposely vs. Purposefully, and blah blah blah it’s a word. Fine. Goddamn fine. I refuse to acknowledge it further. The song is fine. It’s probably the most groovy track on the EP and a good choice for first single. A lot of cool instrumental breaks here, better even I’d say than the two-minute instrumental track preceding it.

Second single “For Free” is relatively in the same vein, more upbeat groove and solid joy. But I’d argue that the more lax “I Found The Rhythm,” finds a more all-encompassing joy with more variety and feeling, ultimately making it the true standout. It’s a good fucking song and I mean that with all sincerity. The chorus is catchy as all-get-out and will earworm its way into your ears…like a worm. But then “Naww Jamm” covers the worm in mud and really tests my fingers’ abilities to not exit the SoundCloud web browser let alone throw my goddamn phone on the ground and stomp the goddamn hell out of it. Sorry for all of the swearing, but, no, no, that’s what this blog is and you walked right into it. I won’t apologize for quality. But please. Apologize for this song. The blame for the points against this album lay right here. 

I’ve already discussed the rest of the EP, albeit out of order, so I guess here goes the summary. Uh. Yeah. Groovetown danceshack. Ummm. Yeah. That’s the name of your next album. That’s your summary. I’ve kinda run out of steam here. Thanks for checking in. And if you’re the band and dissatisfied with my summary and/or review I have this to say. Um. Hold up. Still thinking. 

Hey, you (your publicist or someone) asked me to review this so don’t get annoyed with me. I’m just granting wishes dude.

Yeah. That works. Goodnight. 

Worth the wait, huh?


Highlights Include: oh shit, I forgot to talk about “Oh My, Where The Time Goes” and that’s the best song on the EP. Well shit. I really blew it. So highlights are that and “I Found The Rhythm”.

You can listen to So, Who’s The Son? HERE.


Going on a blind date w/ So, Who’s The Son?:


Long Beach, man

UPDATED! Week #24: Emailed Request 3 [The Captain’s Son – “Walking Around Purposely” and “For Free”]

-Jump to the bottom for new info-

My ears received a request (and extensive press release, smh) to review the new single by a band called The Captain’s Son. I tried digging deeper for an album or EP, but they appear to only have one song available for streaming. Or maybe just one song in total. Like they go on stage, play the song, and then say “thanks, that’s been us!” I dunno. Anyway, the song is called “Walking Around Purposely” and you can find it HERE. What does it sound like? Did they mean to name it Walking Around Purposefully and have a brain fart? Again, I dunno. Let’s find out. 

(☝️Just a picture, the link is in the text☝️)

Date Breakdown when I feel like it.

EDIT [2/15/17]: looks like they added a song called “For Free” which you can find HERE. I will review these two tracks now instead of just the one.

EDIT [3/10/17]: Despite the appearance that I just don’t give a fuck enough to review this, I in fact do. So what’s the issue? They keep adding tracks to the SoundCloud, I’ve wanted to review an official release this whole time, and apparently today is the release of their EP So, Who’s The Son? 

So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m going to figure out the correct track order and make sure I’m listening to all of the tracks. If possible, it’d be great to find a free DL so I’m not bound to wifi to listen. In whatever case, hopefully in the next week or so I will have a review finalized and posted. Thanks for your patience.